Coffee Snobs

My little sister was asking me the other day what I wanted for Christmas. As she was previously employed as a barista, one would think that a request for fresh coffee would hardly be an unreasonable request; and yet, she informed me I am now one of those rare and exotic breeds, the snooty and uppity 'coffee snob.' I don't know what happened... I'm sure I used to be just the usual sort of snob. Sure, I may look down on people who think there is an 'e' in grammar, or those who frequently mangle idioms like 'one fall swoop' or 'for all intensive purposes', or just have red hair -- but come now, really, who doesn't? It's not like I blame them. Not everyone can be born with such insight, cunning, intellect, charm, and of course, good looks (let alone modesty and selflessness). No, I don't blame them at all, I just don't feel like it's my fault that I am better than them. This coffee snob business though, that's a whole different story. How can they just label me and make these gross over-generalizations? Just because I can taste the subtle nuançes and detect the complex aromas of a well cultivated and roasted bean... how dare they? If their palates were as refined and discerning as mine they'd roast their own beans, vacuum-seal them, and grind them fresh for each delightfully delectable brew too; anything less would just be... uncivilized.

What content?

Two-day wile eye was browsing, ass eye am frequency prone two dewing, fined eye deed eh interesting quote. Inn-deed, it seamed perfectly sooted two my kneads. Sew much sew inn fact, eye thawed two mine self, 'self, this does seam quite serendipitous.' Ewe sea, it stated their knead knot bee content if ewe half enough typos two distract you're reed-errs... And buoy dew eye lack content.


Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing.
- Randy K. Milholland

That's my MO

First of all, I apologize to you all my faithful reader(s): I wanted to keep my posts as frequent as possible to get the blog off with a figurative bang. It's like cocaine you see, you try it once and you like it, so you try it twice and you're hip and hanging with Hitler, then slowly and insidiously you get hooked! Okay, well maybe my blog doesn't have quite the same effect... probably due to the lack of celebrity support which cocaine has going for it. Regardless, as much as I'd like to spit out these posts (and hope they don't leave a bad taste in my mouth) on a daily basis, I'm afraid I'm just too lazy, and for those of you who know me, that's my MO. For those of you who don't, I realize MO is a terribly common abbreviation.

In fact, it can be all kinds of cool things like:
MO - Monday (a day loathed by the general working and/or drinking population)
MO - Month (a group of 4.34 weeks, usually containing four of the generally despised 'Monday'
MO - Molybdenum (a chemical element of the transition metal variety which is commonly used to harden steel alloys -- check your fancy knives... but leave them home on Monday)
MO - Missouri (as far as I can gather, a completely unremarkable place in America, who got stuck with MO because MI was taken already by the slightly more exciting state of Michigan)
MO - Modus Operandi (Latin for 'Mode of Operation') -- which is of course what I was referring to, and for simplicity's sake, I may in the future substitute with 'that's how I roll.'

So, essentially I can make no promises, but I'll try and post as often as I can. It's not like just because I'm unemployed I have nothing better to do... well, maybe I don't, but either way, that's how I roll.

I'm almost famous!

Yes, it's true, I've become pseudo-celebrity; yesterday my page visits sky-rocketed to 14! If I could afford a bottle of champagne I'd buy one and celebrate. I guess it'll be a celebratory coffee or pomegranate juice instead. This is good news though, since I had originally attributed my record-breaking five hits from the day before to the fact that one of the posts was labeled with 'death' (c.f. posts labeled death). Actually, that probably was the case, so I think I'll have to write more on the subject later (p.s. you morbid bastards).

In other news: I made pancakes for breakfast... and they were good.

If only I... (episode two)

So for lunch today I had: a coffee (freshly ground Guatemala Antigua sure is delicious), half a Hershey's creamy milk chocolate bar (because everyone knows chocolate and coffee go together like alcoholics and gin in brown paper bags), baby carrots and a dry pint of multicolored sweet baby peppers (who knew peppers came in dry pints?). Now the reason for that preface was not because I wanted you all (I had a whole 5 hits yesterday!) to know how tasty coffee and chocolate are together, or even that a U.S. dry pint is in fact a volume of 1/2 quart or approximately 0.551 liter -- and not to be confused with the U.S. liquid pint which is a volume of 16 ounces or approximately 0.473 liter -- but was actually to let you know how poor I am. Crazy as that may sound it makes perfect sense, because, you see, I really, really wanted a burger. But alas, I'm broke. Not your average 'I have no money to spare' broke, either. Oh no, the broke you are only when you haven't made any money in five months, your savings are exhausted (we all know it's hard work paying the bills), you owe people money and their goons are coming to collect, and your credit card is almost maxed. That's the broke I'm talking about. Now the sad part of this story is that regardless of my financial insolvency, I bought four strip loin steaks today. I couldn't help myself. I love steak, and at $5.79/lb it was a fantastic bargain. If only I wasn't addicted to tender, juicy, succulent steak I might have avoided this tragedy. As it is, I can only hope that the goons won't find my secret lair...

To the lazy, apathetic, and bored (because you really must be..)

So, here it is.. my maiden voyage into the world of blogging. I hope you're excited; I am, or at least I would be if I really cared. Still, it seems everyone has a blog but me these days, so I figured it was time to break the cherry -- I never really liked cherries anyway, and breaking them sure is fun. So, welcome to all my bored friends. I'm sorry you had to resort to reading this to find something to do, but I understand your plight, and I can empathize, so I'll do my best to keep you entertained in one form or another.

To be continued...

If only I...

So today I woke up to find that while yesterday the ground was green and verdant -- okay, well maybe not that green, but it was notably lacking in snow accumulation -- overnight someone apparently displeased the weather gods. I say this because it seems unusual to go from having no snow to having a four foot wall at the end of the driveway. Granted it was from the plow, and yes, this is Newfoundland, but still. Who wants to wake up in the morning ready to slack off and generally do nothing only to find they have to shovel their girlfriend's car out so she can go to work? Who?!? Either way, the foot of snow that fell last night is getting that weather god some serious hate-mail. If only I had a camera, and I wasn't so lazy, I might even take a picture of this veritable winter wonderland... but let's not get carried away.

And my first picture...

So, here's a random picture for you all (and I say that loosely since I'm the only sucker ever going to read this). It's my first attempt at embedding pics from my Picasa.

Misc